Return, Love.

Often, people around me get attached like so easily. I have no idea whether they really like their the other half or not. But deep down in my heart, I hope they really do.

Sometimes, i asked myself this. 

"When is my the other half appearing?"

The most common answer that i get was

"Nature will take its own course"

Or maybe even like

"When it meant to be, it will be."

There are times i questioned people, if nature take its own course, does it mean that there is a chance that people are likely to not get attached and married?

So are we going to wait until the other half appear?  No one can be sure that that person is the right half for you. Not even you can be ascertain at the first moment.

Does this mean that when the other half doesn't appear out of nowhere in future, it probably means that in this life, you destined to be single?

So imagine, this happens to everyone in the entire world.

Imagine everyone is waiting for that the other half to appear out of nowhere.

Well this probably means that it's the end for humanity.

There's no effort being laid. There's a goal, but there's no solution to get to the goal.

Waiting doesn't seems to be a solution. Searching for the right one seems to be a much appropriate reason than waiting. At least you're finding someone that you will love for the rest of your life.

Miracles doesn't happen that easily. Yes, i got to say patience is a must for miracles to happen. But if that miracle is something that is within our limits, why not put in the effort to reach it?

Other questions that people ask me are 

"How many previous relationships you have before?" or even like "When was your last relationship?"

Honestly speaking, i don't even want to care because it doesn't matter as to the right half that i'm searching for?

It's not like me having 3 relationships before is linked to how i'm searching for the right half.

These are just some statistics.

What matters most is the lessons I learnt from the past relationships and how to better handle it in the next relationship. (hopefully, it doesn't happen)

As to the first question that i mentioned in this blog post, I'm really glad that the one i'm searching for is someone that is somewhere nearby me. It just take god knows how many years for me to realise that she have been beside me, just because we doesn't talk.

Sometimes, the right half could be someone just beside you. You never know.

And for those who are asking me whether if i'm attached, I can tell you, no I'm not.

Speaking from my heart, I am not ready yet. I'm not ready to face the challenges posed by being in a relationship.

Yes, i see people being so happy in a relationship. I want to know how do they managed to be so happy. But even the best relationship has its own problems. The solution depends on how we tackle them.  It's not just one person but the both parties in the relationship.

It takes two persons to be in a relationship. Likewise, it takes two persons to face the challenge of a relationship.

I'm not ready. I'm not ready to face those challenges. I have not find a way to tackle those challenges. 

But that doesn't mean I'm not ready for a relationship.

Like i said above. 

"It takes two persons to face the challenges of a relationship."

The thing is that, I can never tackle those problems alone. I need another half and she must be the right half.

We can always get into a relationship easily, but it's whether we know if the other half is right one or the, unfortunately, wrong one.

The Untold Truth

As i placed my McFlurry on the seat beside me, i begin to wonder, was the decision i made before the right one? Was i under influence of someone or something that made me feel so clear of what I am doing? There are a lot of questions i want to ask myself. But usually, it yield nothing.

I wish i could tell someone how i feel. But everytime when i approach someone, my lips and mouth became numb. My tongue seems to be super-glued by someone. I wish i could better face up to reality.

Just yesterday, i felt a kind of love. It wasn't the kind of love that we had for another partner. Its the kind of love which everyone come together work towards a common goal and getting job down. Yes, its teamwork in a group. But what it emit was the love of friendship, brotherhood as well as a team. I haven't felt this kind of love ever since i left the team.

I swear upon my grave that for the first time, this love felt so special. Special than anything.

Although I left the team, but there's still a part of me that want to be in the team. I just couldn't let it go.

Another part of me was filled with guilt. I feel so guilty of shirking away my responsibility, and putting so much stress and work on the others. Especially when a 6-person team have to do 7-person work. I just dont get what i was trying to do here. I asked myself, what have i been doing for the past half year?

"Have you ever regret the decision that you made?"

In the past, i would say no. But now, I really truly regret the fact that i made that decision.

That decision of mine affect many people, in terms of their life and so on. But when that decision was made, all the responsibility ended. It seems that it has ended. But apparently, it haven't. I got to face the result of it.

The aftermath. The real true feelings. The reality.

It has become a nightmare for me everynight.

Sometime, i just couldn't believe that i threw off my responsibility in order to chase after something that i want.

Which in fact, when i managed to get it, the feeling from those sacrifices I made are much overwhelming than the happiness of attaining my goal.

Honestly, i wish i can really do something about this.

"At the end of every tunnel, there always a light shining upon you." - Desmond R.