When was the last time that you ever trusted so much with your entire life? For me, it was years ago that i completely i trust someone. Ask me whether if I trust anyone now, and i would tell you "i dont trust anyone now". Perhaps, its just that I have trust issues.
I can't stand it when people says this and do that on the other hand. It just sucks. It's just like a promise being broken. People tends to have trust issues after going through a whole lot of betrays by their friends. And I'm not the only one.
I get betrayed and backstabbed by friends in the past and that doesnt mean i'll get 'attacked' by them again. It just suck. That word can represent what it feels like to have trust issues.
Honestly speaking, it hurts and pains me when i realise i dont trust anyone completely. Those things that i kept within myself are just evolving themselves into something darker and darker. It just make me less open to everyone. I'm literally hiding my real self from others. What they see me as is socialable, friendly etc. But they will never understand whatever that i've experience. It doesnt mean that they can judge me either. Its been a while since people ask me out.
All these while, i'm living in my own world, shutting everyone out of my inner world. Sometimes, i wish that i could get out of this dark world where i can't seem to even see a glimpse of hope.
I tried my very best to ask people out. Its not my fault for being like this.
I TRIED. But what can i expect to see.
Even when i invited people to my house for chinese new year, they said they're busy. What are you busy with? I've exams too. Don't give me excuses that you have exams and you need to study. Dont give me craps. And besides, I already let you guys know 1 month in advance.
And sometimes, when i attempt to 'book' people, they dont even reply. Screw those last seen. You're screwed because whatsapp gave you out.
A small part of me often remind myself not to be so annoyrd with them. They'll find time soon. But tell me, who will ask me out. And not forgetting that if they remember me ? And yes, i was back to my clique, ZEUS again. Guess what, only 2 persons replied me when I said something. Im not trying to say people are very busy, but hey, its been days and you're still busy?
I simply dont understand why. It probably just mean that you dont fucking welcome me. And hey, you forgotten what we said before. Before this, we have something call the baby group. Hello, those people who are inactive were eventually not added to our current group. So do you want to be the next? Probably, there wont be anymore next. it could be the worst and fucked up decision that i ever made to come back to the group.
Just so fuck up, all of you except those who replied. Oh do you still remember how to spell fuck up ? If you can put yourself into my shoes, you will understand why i would have so much trust issues to the extent that i really dont trust anyone completely.
Trust gone ever since 2013.
