Overly Attachment

Have you ever get too overly attached emotionally, mentally and/or physically to someone? If you haven't, i'm seriously doubting whether if you're human.

Don't you hate it when someone or you started the conversation and it just takes a few hours or even hours to become so overly attached to the other party that you wish to chat and talk with them forever ?

I haven't start a conversation willingly with someone for some time. Until recently, i have no idea why, but i just picked up my phone and started texting people. Well, its human nature to get bored though. And when we get bored, its either we sleep or we just find someone to talk to. And then here comes the important part apart from getting overly attached.

Overly attached is one thing, another thing is whether the other party has the time and the willingness to talk to you.

We get bored when we don't chat and talk to others. But we get bored when people starts to go on chatting and chatting over the same thing too. (This is how human can be so contradicting!)

Then it comes to a point whereby the other party get so bored with talking to you because you are just way too boring.

Seriously, I just hate being so overly attached with someone. It's not an issue whether if i trust them or not, it's an issue when i don't get to talk to someone and try to start trusting people.

When i get so overly attached, i text the other party like no one business. Then when it comes to the most desperate point, you get depressed and often questioning yourself why are you caring so much? 

That point is when the other party seems to get annoyed, but you have no idea whether if it's true.

It seems like everyone is the same. After a while they just become bored of you and ended the conversation. Whereas you, who is so overly attached, fall into despair and get so emotionally hurt. It's just painful isn't it?

I just hate this kind of situation. I may not be your best friend or even your close friend. I'm just a friend of yours. If you can give so much time to close and best friends, why can't you at least spare some times for your friends *yes just friends*.

It has seems clear to me that everyone is just so selfish, arrogant and fucking self centered.

I hate to say this, but if you're saying that i'm judging you all, so be it. Because you have experience it before, and whether if you want to believe, that's your choice.

- Don't get too overly attached to someone. Who knows they might break their bonds with you and search for better bonds. - Desmond R.

Proud and Contented

Most of us heard about the recent controversy that involve the Miss Universe Singapore, Jesslyn Tan and one an unknown typical uncle on the train.

Apparently, we have not of heard of both parties' story yet. However, the uncle's daughter have apparently stepped up to confront the post by Ms Jesslyn Tan.

Of course, and obviously, the actions by Ms Tan have already shown that she is in line with our so called "judgemental society". We often call the society judgemental because they judge people based on their looks.  (and btw, i'm judging her right now, by her ACTIONS)

"Judge people by their actions, not their looks" - Desmond R.

In today context, we don't go around wearing shirts that are torn and with holes; since teens nowadays shown more support for looking good. (but hey, all of us want to look good sometimes, don't we?)

But when we stepped out of our comfort zones, out onto the streets, public transports etc, we do see some minimal amount of people who wear torn clothing. For example, some street performers may only have that one piece of perfect clothing. We never know. Or rather, there are some people who don't even have any tops.

So does that mean we can start judging and mocking someone who is topless? Mocking him/her that he/she is poor or he/she is in the new trend?


Stop it guys. Just because we live in a first world country, with high cost and standard of living, it doesn't mean that all of us rich.

 Some of us are poor. 

One thing great about being poor is that one will strive to work as much as possible to earn that amount of money that can last them a day, in the most humane way without betraying their conscience.

 There are many people who are just earning only about $2000 and under for a month. But when you think of those monthly expenses such as groceries, its appear that you will end up with a few hundred bucks. most of it will possibly end up in your savings.

 For a typical uncle who work at a stall, do you think he can still earn more than what we have after deducting all those expenses?

And just because he has some holes on his shirt, does not mean that one can mock him for being poor.

 I can be rich, but I can choose to wear a torn shirt. 

Thats the thing why society is unfair. Almost all of us judge people based on their looks.

And by the way, ever since the starting of this post, i have never judged Ms Tan based on her looks. She is pretty, and being a Ms Universe Singapore is already a wow-factor. She can even be a model or whatsoever.

But one thing she lack of is, the moral ethics of a human. One does not mock about people just because he/she is poor.

Who knows one day, all of will degrade to the same condition and situation where everyone is equal in every aspects. Money is just an instrument for various objectives. After all, we won't be bringing it into our grave after we pass away.

To be honest, my family is neither rich nor poor.

(and I believe that about 3/5 of the Singaporeans are in the same condition as my family)

Most of us live under the roof of a HDB flat. Some of us may have cars to drive to work, while some of us took buses and trains. We are never equal in some aspects. For example, there is this family of 6 who are relying on the mother, who is the sole breadwinner of the family. This mother of 4 may earn just only 1000 a month, but do you think it is enough to feed the whole family of 6?

It might not be enough to feed the whole family, but one thing sure is that, these tough times faced by the family brought them closer together.

For my family, whatever my parents earn are about just enough to feed the whole family of 4, with about probably 500bucks to spare for savings or anything else.

My mother is a just a typical government worker. (dude, she doesn't earn 5k a month. Just about 1k.)

And my father is just a typical odd-job worker for now. (earning about 30bucks a day)

We may not be rich, but we are not poor as well. We are just the your so called average-income family.  Or rather a middle class in Singapore, if there is.

Previously, when my father was a driver to deliver all those gas tanks in the morning, there were some people who asked me, "hey, what's your father's job/occupation?" .

I am never ashamed to tell everyone, my dad is a driver or even now, my dad is a typical odd-job worker.  

People who are ashamed of what your parents does for a living should really face the reality.  Money doesn't come by that easily.  Life can be difficult, but when we are willing to make the extra effort to be proud of what our parents does for a living, so that they feel motivated to earn more, then why not?

Just because that some of you out there are ashamed of what your parent does, it doesn't mean that you can ripped off them. Because they have been supporting you since you were born. From buying your diapers, your toys, whatever you want and even for some, paying for your education when you're already so abled.  They were using their money to support you.

Life can be tough and difficult, but do be reminded that whatever you received from your parents could be all that they have.  Feel contented.

Slowly fading away.

When was the last time that you ever trusted so much with your entire life? For me, it was years ago that i completely i trust someone. Ask me whether if I trust anyone now, and i would tell you "i dont trust anyone now". Perhaps, its just that I have trust issues.

 I can't stand it when people says this and do that on the other hand. It just sucks. It's just like a promise being broken. People tends to have trust issues after going through a whole lot of betrays by their friends. And I'm not the only one.

 I get betrayed and backstabbed by friends in the past and that doesnt mean i'll get 'attacked' by them again. It just suck. That word can represent what it feels like to have trust issues.

 Honestly speaking, it hurts and pains me when i realise i dont trust anyone completely. Those things that i kept within myself are just evolving themselves into something darker and darker. It just make me less open to everyone. I'm literally hiding my real self from others. What they see me as is socialable, friendly etc. But they will never understand whatever that i've experience. It doesnt mean that they can judge me either. Its been a while since people ask me out.

All these while, i'm living in my own world, shutting everyone out of my inner world. Sometimes, i wish that i could get out of this dark world where i can't seem to even see a glimpse of hope.

I tried my very best to ask people out. Its not my fault for being like this.
I TRIED. But what can i expect to see.

 Even when i invited people to my house for chinese new year, they said they're busy. What are you busy with? I've exams too. Don't give me excuses that you have exams and you need to study. Dont give me craps. And besides, I already let you guys know 1 month in advance.

 And sometimes, when i attempt to 'book' people, they dont even reply. Screw those last seen. You're screwed because whatsapp gave you out.

 A small part of me often remind myself not to be so annoyrd with them. They'll find time soon. But tell me, who will ask me out. And not forgetting that if they remember me ? And yes, i was back to my clique, ZEUS again. Guess what, only 2 persons replied me when I said something. Im not trying to say people are very busy, but hey, its been days and you're still busy?

 I simply dont understand why. It probably just mean that you dont fucking welcome me. And hey, you forgotten what we said before. Before this, we have something call the baby group. Hello, those people who are inactive were eventually not added to our current group. So do you want to be the next? Probably, there wont be anymore next. it could be the worst and fucked up decision that i ever made to come back to the group.

Just so fuck up, all of you except those who replied. Oh do you still remember how to spell fuck up ? If you can put yourself into my shoes, you will understand why i would have so much trust issues to the extent that i really dont trust anyone completely.

 Trust gone ever since 2013.

The Untold Truth

As i placed my McFlurry on the seat beside me, i begin to wonder, was the decision i made before the right one? Was i under influence of someone or something that made me feel so clear of what I am doing? There are a lot of questions i want to ask myself. But usually, it yield nothing.

I wish i could tell someone how i feel. But everytime when i approach someone, my lips and mouth became numb. My tongue seems to be super-glued by someone. I wish i could better face up to reality.

Just yesterday, i felt a kind of love. It wasn't the kind of love that we had for another partner. Its the kind of love which everyone come together work towards a common goal and getting job down. Yes, its teamwork in a group. But what it emit was the love of friendship, brotherhood as well as a team. I haven't felt this kind of love ever since i left the team.

I swear upon my grave that for the first time, this love felt so special. Special than anything.

Although I left the team, but there's still a part of me that want to be in the team. I just couldn't let it go.

Another part of me was filled with guilt. I feel so guilty of shirking away my responsibility, and putting so much stress and work on the others. Especially when a 6-person team have to do 7-person work. I just dont get what i was trying to do here. I asked myself, what have i been doing for the past half year?

"Have you ever regret the decision that you made?"

In the past, i would say no. But now, I really truly regret the fact that i made that decision.

That decision of mine affect many people, in terms of their life and so on. But when that decision was made, all the responsibility ended. It seems that it has ended. But apparently, it haven't. I got to face the result of it.

The aftermath. The real true feelings. The reality.

It has become a nightmare for me everynight.

Sometime, i just couldn't believe that i threw off my responsibility in order to chase after something that i want.

Which in fact, when i managed to get it, the feeling from those sacrifices I made are much overwhelming than the happiness of attaining my goal.

Honestly, i wish i can really do something about this.

"At the end of every tunnel, there always a light shining upon you." - Desmond R.

Should we or should we not pay?

Well well. So I was looking through Facebook as well as other news site about the recent MH370 disappearance over the Vietnamese Airspace and I happened to came across this blog post by this female blogger and it was about...

"Why Guys Should Not Pay On The First Date"

And i read through it. Honestly speaking, sometimes we wonder about this question.

Should we or should we not pay for the other party?

And we really get stuck in a situation that is like between life and death.  It apparently means choosing a choice that may result the lady having a good impression of you, which is only a 50% probability. 

There are different views out there and I'm not saying that the blogger, Deborah is wrong either. We do have different ways of viewing things and it's great that Deborah actually feels that she shouldn't expect a guy to pay the bill on the first date.

After all, it hands down to 3 possible situations.

1. You pay the entire bill

2. She pay the entire bill

3. Split the bill and pay equally

But of course, it depends on the lady that you're having the date with.  You will have to understand her personality, through her dressing, the way she talked and the first impression that she gave you. 

Sometimes, we guys don't know how to judge a person. And then, we made the wrong judgement. And yes, the judging process here is somewhat relevant to the judgemental society here. It's either we judge a person favourably or unfavourably. 

I managed to speak to a few of my friends regarding this issue as well. We guys would usually pay on the first date because society portray as this way.  One scenario. Most of the time we will see guys proposing to a girl, but we rarely and maybe don't even see a lady proposing to a guy. 

It's the same kind of situation, but it's a matter of who taking the initiative. 

But most of the times, the way society portray us guys interfere with our thinking.

So what happens why you insist on paying when the lady actually said no? 

It just practically make the lady feel insulted.  Why? Because you're somehow making them feel like they can't afford it or even you buying their time just for a date. 

But what happens if we don't pay for the lady?

Well, it just make you look so ungentlemanly and make the lady feel cheap.

So what is my stand?  I would definitely offer to pay for the ladies first. 

1. Instigation of the (First) Date

Who ask who in this case? Was it the guy who asked the ladies out first or the other way round? Don't be bothered about this.  Just pay.  It would be normal for a guy to pay for the ladies. After all, you will probably managed to schedule another date with that beloved lady and she can pay for it the next date.  (that's most of the ladies will do, but not all.)

If it's you who instigated the date. Just pay. Because it's you, that's why she came to a date with you.
Imagine when the girl looks at you, expecting you to pay when the bills come. You don't want to look pathetic when you can't seems to pay for the bill, do you? But most of us can pay since it's the 21st Century as we have our debit and credit card ready for swiping.

Well, that brings us to our next point.


2. Impression of You.
Well, when we pay for the ladies, it does not only just show that we are gentlemen. It also shows that we have the responsibility, steady and well established. Some women are like this, they would think whether you are relationship-ready or not.  And it also shows your sincerity in asking her out for a date. You won't want to ruin her impression of you by not paying anyway. After all, if you're aiming to go after her, your impression must be good.  A girl won't want to have a boyfriend that is selfish, petty and doesn't take the initiative.


3. Special Occasions
If you asked her out because it's a special occasion like her birthday or her achievements, then yes, you should offer to pay. It will make you look classy and gracious. Just don't let her know about the price of the meal since i'm expecting you to bring her to a classy restaurant or hotel for a meal. Tell her it's on you.


4. She's testing you!
There are different ways of testing you.  Always take note, lady can be very crafty. No offence but yes.  For example, she can offer to pay for you. But take note, not all ladies are doing this for no reasons.  Whether if she is doing it subconsciously or not, it really test how you are going to react.  Sounds harsh.

Always remember, on the first date, she is trying to know about you. What kind and type of guys are you? Are you generous? Are you responsible?

That are just some reasons that i will offer to pay for the lady that I'm having a date with. 

But there are sometimes when ladies will offer to pay first even though you have offered to pay.

What should you do? 

Yet, another life and death situation. Well, you will really have to choose the right choice, especially when personality differ from person to person. 

If you insist to pay more, it just shows that you value her a lot. Society value money. But you value her, paying for the meal shows it.  Yes, I mentioned above that you may be buying her but it also shows that you have value for her.  

Most of the times, it will usually end up with the guy paying for it. However if you suay suay kena a lady who is very insisting. Convince her that she can pay for a movie later or next time. 

That's how you would keep the future date scheduled!

Well, i believe that you somewhat knows what to do when dealing about who to pay for the first date. 

Anyway, before a date, we guys should understand about the lady that we intend to have a date with. Try to find out what they like, their usual habits etc. This will really help you with a successful date!

Those Sleepless Nights' thoughts.

Don't you always hate it when you have those sleepless night ?  Those action of rolling on the bed, trying to get up and go to the toilet, just to lie to yourself that you just opened your eyes for a moment and heading back to sleep soon.   Well, its not the case.  

Why are there those nights that you cant even have a wink of sleep? 3 reasons.
1. You woke too late and trying to sleep early
2. You have something in mind that you dont even have a clue about.
3. You're troubling over something.

Well, apparently, all 3 reasons had been my causes for those sleepless night in the past.

We all have something to trouble about. And its just so annoying to be unable to sleep because of that.

I often ask myself this, what should i do?

Honestly, i spent most of my sleepless night trying to think of solutions.  Which only a few work.

While sometimes, i actually look back at the past, telling me how far i have came, how much things i have sacrificed, and those stuffs that i have regretted giving up.

I would say, the stuffs that i have regretted giving up is the most troubling ones.  Some people would ask me, do i regret my action to give up a particular stuffs.   

I lied to myself and them, and said no. I dont even regret it because I gave up to search for and chase after  better dreams.

But as time goes by, it's definitely disheartening to look back at the past, those moment of the stuffs that you have given up on.  It just suck isn't it.  And by then, when you want that back, its too late.  You have given up all of it, getting it back is hard.  Even if you're successful in getting it back, are you sure you will be happy ?  Are you sure you won't have the same feelings as before, which may result you to give up once again?  Look, its just a never ending cycle. 

The solution? Its either you give up completely and dont allow your heart and mind to shake because of those moments you had OR you dont give up in the first place.

Apparently, most of us are left with only the first solution.  Well it isnt bad either.

The second solution will not guarantee you to be happy and comfortable in that situation before you give up.  It's probably a never ending cycle unless you or the other parties have a different perceptions. 

Would you want that to be the result? Yes, you have a chance to be alright in that situation again, but what are the amount of chances in attaining a success?

Personally, i would choose to take the 1st solution. I would rather give up completely and have no regrets.  Better said than done.  It's never that easy. It takes time, effort and the correct mindset.  But this will definitely guarantee you, a better perspective of the world and your surroundings. 

So what would you choose? 

 A better perspective of the world and the surrounding OR getting stuck in that hole of despair which has minimal chances of getting out?

Sympathy and Attention

"Everything is going to be alright"

-

"Are you alright?"

- 

"What happened?"

-

"You'll feel better"

These are just some of the questions that people mentioned to you when you're down.
Yes, it do show that they care from the outside.
But how many of them are actually concerned about your well-being?

Just because they're asking these questions, it doesn't mean they actually care about you.
Probably they just feel that there's a need to.
But tell me, how many are there who are willing to offer you a listening ear and their time to listen to all of your craps and nonsense?

Honestly speaking. Really honest. I really wished there are people who insist on asking or probe more when i said i'm fine, i'm alright. Perhaps that's just what us, humans need.
Sympathy & Attention.

Ask yourself this, have you never ever thought of gaining the attention of others in order for them to better understand us? Or just gaining the attention because you just want to be famous?

Face the reality, all of us wants attention from people around us.
Sometimes, it really set me thinking. Why are these people asking me whether if i'm alright and then when i said not really, they just said, everything is going to be alright.

I mean, you don't even know what happened, and you're telling me everything is going to be alright?
Yes, it is certainly that everything is going to be alright, but have you ever thought of giving advices and some support?

Have you ever thought of providing someone the best listening ear you have?

And there are really a lot of people out there thinking that trying to gain sympathy/attention is a ridiculous thing.
They just go "wa this bitch trying to gain attention because she chio"


Hello? Just because she's pretty and you're saying that she's a bitch? Why not look at yourself in the mirror before judging others? Are you better compared to her?
And just because she is pretty, you're saying she's gaining attention?

It's like that person practically made the issue of gaining attention a ridiculous and something that is unwanted.
But, have that person ever thought of watching himself/herself making that comment?

From my point of view, I would definitely say that comment was very ridiculous and unwanted.


Ask ourselves this, have we ever wanted to gain attention and sympathy from others?
I believe everyone does it in the past, now and then.

For example, you're sad. You don't just hide one corner and cry alone don't you?
It's more like,

1. You cry.
2. Stop crying halfway then tweet "i'm crying so hard now" , "why did this happened?"
3. Go back crying again.
4. Check replies from your followers


And if you were to ask me, whether i did it before. Yes, i did it.
Everyone, at some point in life, want to gain attention and sympathy.
So, give attention and sympathy to someone who really needs it, especially those who are down.

Stop making those ridiculous comments because it's not going to help.